There are two ways to make things you’re watching more interesting: you can bet on it, or you can turn it into a drinking game.

In the beginning there was nothing.
God said, “Let there be light!” And there was light.
There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.